Creating the family fun calendar can become quite challenging if you end up having to spend all your free time chauffeuring your children to a vast range of after school activities and clubs. Quite frankly by the end of the week you and your children can find yourself over-scheduled.

It would seem nowadays that children and parents are so over-scheduled and free play time has become so over-structured that there is no time to just potter around your home. No time to daydream or enjoy the pleasantries of your child’s own treasured bedtime toys and games. The reality is most people are sleep deprived, exhausted, and totally stressed out from it all. This leads to a breakdown in communication, lack of interest to do things as a family, children show signs of irritability and attitude when they are older. So how do we honor our child’s individuality, give them permission to explore different activities without losing our mind in the process. Making commitments to a few and enjoying is certainly better than making commitments to many and not.

• Visually write out the family’s extracurricular activities. The reason I say this is sometimes we just need to see exactly how much we are doing.
• Find a representation of something you do, so if your child takes ballet grab the ballet shoes, music lesson pick up the guitar, judo grab the gi, again place all this in front of your children so they can see everything around them. Now make them hold it all.
• Collaboration is key here in establishing the activities you will continue to do and those you will make a choice not to in order to free up a couple of evenings and a weekend. The reality is, it’s not how many activities you can participate in it’s how many you choose to do and enjoy successfully without it becoming a chore.
• Listen, yes listen, to what your child has to say, because they are going to sell you on the idea of why they continue with a particular activity and drop another. This is particularly good when you parents out there think your child should be doing something and they have no desire at all. Just because it is the trend doesn’t mean you should be doing it.
• If your children are doing well academically, then the arts or sports they choose to do provide a nice balance. For those that may be challenged perhaps picking an activity that would support the class they are challenged in would really help. So, example drama is really good as your children will read stories, act out plays and that all helps alongside their literacy skills.

Note: There is power in saying ‘No’. So be mindful as a parent not to overload your serving tray too.
Now go and have fun!

Copywritten by Jo Frost

Sharing is a life skill that needs to be taught. As you all know if you are a parent that holds play dates your young toddler is not always willing to share all of their toys in the beginning until they have been taught how to share and play nicely. They all carry what I call ‘I’m the king of the castle’ syndrome. Meaning I will dictate what toy each toy each child will play with and if I want it I will just take it. Indeed, it can be disparaging for the young children that were taken off guard with a pinch, a thump or sometimes even a bite!

lf you are a parent or co-carer looking after or raising several children it is critical that they all learn how to share. Especially in a world where children have become so spoiled with having one each of everything. Twins and multiples learn how to do this early as by default they have to wait their turn to be fed, changed an bathed. Everyone loves a child who shows the compassion to share what they have with others and in doing so they learn the experience of having fun and making friends and enjoying the experience together. So whether it is crayons, books, food, a communal TV, or PC, the respect for other’s consideration is what allows us to interact successfully with others. Here is how you can help teach your young.

• Teaching your child to take turns means actually, showing them physically. Your turn, my turn, your turn, my turn.

• Teaching your child to play nicely is explaining what nicely is. No snatching, no saying mean things, no hurting others.

• Don’t forget manners, when teaching our children about sharing. Please, may I and thank you for.

• Set up the expectations so your children know what they can play with, and do not allow a dominant child to overrule. So, intervene when necessary.

• If a child becomes irrational, or has a temper tantrum because they cannot get their own way; take them out of the situation so they can watch others play and explain to them why the others are having fun and then ask the child if they are ready to go back with the intentions of doing all that has been asked of them.

• Acknowledge the efforts being made by your child and talk about the experience afterwards. For example, if it is your children all playing a board game, ask them how much fun they had when they all respected the rules and shared? This allows them to think about their own behaviour and actions and how they were responsible for the successful outcome of the experience.

• Sometimes children are attached sentimentally to a gift received from a family member or something quite new they were given as a treat or birthday present. In respecting that that item is valuable to that child we can give them the choice in offering up all their other toys and games to play with and set that one aside.

Note: When at school or at a play group, letting them know that the games are there for everyone to enjoy and belong to someone else teaches them respect for other’s belongings and the fun we can have when we are given permission to use them.

Copywritten by Jo Frost

It’s a must when it comes to taking time to set up a space that will be conducive for your children to follow through on their homework. Doing this with your child and giving them choices of where they want to do their homework bring you both together in the accountability of it getting done.

Most parents will tell me the nightly homework battle is dreaded every evening. With children feeling disheartened and parents trying to find patience they have none of after a hard day at work. Then on top of it all there are schools that require homework deadlines, leaving us needing to pace our child’s homework throughout the week. Plus, fitting tea and some downtime before bed. As you can imagine, scheduling is key and making sure that we all have enough sleep so we can be alert the next day. Kids can procrastinate and whining, showing serious attitude, whilst parents through the towel in too early and then nothing gets achieved. What it needed is a serious dose of encouragement and understanding of what each other needs from one another. Here’s how to make it easier.

Plan of Action

• Find a quiet place where your child can focus and concentrate without being disturbed by others but, not so remote that you can’t step in with the encouragement and help they may need. Especially when it’s a subject they are unfamiliar with or is at a higher grade.
• Your work station needs to be clean of other matter. It should be well lit, and allow room for your child to spread open their workbooks. Make sure the appropriate materials are all available and in reach. Including laptops and iPads if needed.
• Every child needs a break from school so make sure your children have had some down time before doing homework and been refueled with snacks and drinks so that they are ready and prepared.
• Allow your child to choose which homework they will do first. Create a timetable that allows them to check off when it’s been done.
• Tracking assignments allows your child to be responsible in prioritizing their assignments. Color code your tracker so your child knows when certain assignments are due. This teaches your child the importance of follow through and learning a real life skill…deadlines! It truly is an important skill to learn.
• Staying organized by having incoming and outgoing trays leaves room for no disorganization. Placing completed tasks in folders that you can sign off on.
• Everyone can become overwhelmed with the amount of work needed to be done and it will be important for you to help your child manage that stress. Listen, validate, and keep your child on task with a positive attitude, because when you create an environment that is positive and uplifting it will motivate and help them complete their homework.

Copywritten by Jo Frost

It is very natural for our infants and toddlers to go through phases of being clingier to those closest to them. Even though at times it can seem rather special, for that short phase the reality is the more we can raise our children to feel competent in stepping out and exploring, knowing that we are always there for them, the less we will see of this clingy separation anxiety behaviour. For those parents who have not mastered this balance just yet they can be driven to despair when trying to achieve any given task having to juggle it with their child constantly on their hep and wanting to be pick up all the time. This is when the Off The Hip Technique can be incredibly useful in teaching a child that we are there for them in every way without having to be literally attached to them.

It’s all too easy to get into the habit of picking up our children constantly because it is a natural reflex to do so, for all the times they have held their hands out wanting to be picked up. Then on top of that we do it for all the reasons we want to in being just close and attached to our children. The truth of the matter remains in the fact that our children must learn to become more independent and self-sufficient on their own, knowing that we are there for them, watching them play from the side-lines but not necessarily needing to join in when they are playing with their little friends at a play group for example.
Weaning you little one off your hip is more than creating independence, it’s enabling them to walk down stairs on their own, to hold your hand in a shop, to play whilst you cook, and for them and to feel safe and entertained all in the vision of you doing household tasks. Let’s not forget the ability of being able to do this is of great achievement. Forex the first day of nursery, going over to grandparents for the afternoon, or being dropped off for a play date. See below on how to achieve this.

Steps to Hop Off the Hip

• Crouch down so you’re on your child’s level able to give them eye contact.
• If your child is desperately trying to cling to you, and is climbing up on you, gently put some space between you and them by using your arms as a soft barrier.
• Explain to your child kindly and in a conversational tone that you need to do your tasks and right now are unable to pick them up. But tell them they can watch you and bring in some toys and books that they can be distracted with. (This doesn’t mean that they will play with them.)
• If they continue to cry, explain calmly that you can’t understand what they are trying to tel you because they are crying. This can be difficult because our instinct is to cuddle when they are crying but, know the crying is coming from not being picked up.
• Slowly but gently emphasize you are still here even though you are not picking them up and that everything is okay! Reassurance is important, being apologetic is not what you want to be as it gives the child a mixed message.
• If your child is older you may want to suggest they watch you from a little stool, or a table where you can have them busy doing things like putting carrots into a pot. Please know that if you remain clam this state will actually reassure your child there is no need to panic and it will just be a matter of seeing you in the home but not always being attached to your hip.
• Once the crying has stopped make sure that you acknowledge exactly how good they did handling the situation. Be descriptive, ‘good job’ never tells them anything.

Note: Please remember that applying this technique is to help your child to become more confident in their self-sufficiency, without the need to be physically attached at all times. However, emotional comfort, illness, new surroundings, new people, will always make our children feel apprehensive and this is the time when they do need those cuddles and reassurance until it all becomes familiar. You will be the best judge in knowing the difference.

Copywritten by Jo Frost

All parents including ones who are no longer together need to consistently work as a team regarding their children, to not do so leads to mixed messages for the children and a wedge between both parents that children can if inclined smartly take advantage of. This is where the “Common Ground” Technique comes in handy.

When I visit many families, whilst both wanting to do the best for their children, parents can often not realize they actually handle their children in completely different ways and conflicting parenting styles cause problems finding themselves in this power struggle regarding who’s right and not. This situation then becomes about them and not the children which causes more drama and hurt. Some children will even behave better with one parent then the other leading the parent who is struggling feeling helpless and even resentful to child and partner. One set of rules apply in one household whilst another set of rules in another. So to stop this cycle this is what you can do.

Go-to Goals

• In this technique, you will need to write down your goals for your children together and work to find common ground on which you both agree. For example, times for bedtime during school week, even if this takes time, both need to commit to solution.
• Setting times for this talk helps to keep communication clear and open as you raise your child together . As note this is something a Single parent does not have to do.
• Those goals should be prioritized and then worked on together where possible and separately checking in when you can daily or weekly. It doesn’t matter whether you are a couple who are still together, separated or divorced – you can still work together to get the best out of your children and the situation you find yourself in. You just need to be willing to do so and put all your own emotions (EGO) aside, focusing on the children’s welfare.
• Whether the topic is about activities ,health, food, or development each partner and child deserve the right to be heard and their concerns validated so that the connection of together for the child remains in tact.
• When you see efforts being made be kind in pointing out the progress made giving each other encouragement brings you closer to continuing all the good being done,and it shows your children that even though your choices are different you can learn to find common ground to respect each other in keeping it moving forward raising your family, these healthier displays of family functional life are vital to your children having healthy adult relationships too.
• Compromise can always be found you just have to be willing to look for it but know the difference between reasonable expectations and a parent finding a reason to justify un-acceptable behaviour.

Get Talking Today!

Copywritten by Jo Frost

And it would seem from no where your toddler’s new found ability to walk, created a way of establishing the need to seek the whole wide world without you by their side. Sounds great in theory, right? The reality is, this independence you seek to give your children can become a nightmare very quickly for parents who fall out of their depth walking busy high streets and window shopping in malls.

The truth is your children want their freedom and once they realize themselves they do not have to be strapped into their strollers they are eager to race away like wild horses, whilst you are quickly enticed of a game of ‘catch me if you can.” Which is a lot of fun! At this stage of their development, it is important they have the choice to walk around. So, it is our job to make sure that our children can do this safely whilst building trust between yourself and your little one.

How To Build Trust

• Begin by explaining that you are going on a fun walk and that your child will be free to walk with you, by your side, so long as they understand that they must hold onto the stroller too.
• Praise your child in conversation the moment you are walking together. Let them know that them listening to you and doing as they are told is allowing you both to walk together and head off to the park, the shops or wherever you are going.
• If you child quickly shows you the maturity and ability to listen to you every time you are out and they hold onto the stroller you will be able to take the next step in trusting them to walk by your side without holding on. This you will have to judge based on their maturity to follow-through.
• If your child resists putting their hand on the stroller bar, very firmly tell them that if they want to walk they need to hold onto the stroller bar. If not, they go back into the stroller strapped in s a consequence. This allows your child to make a choice for themselves having already stipulated the choice they have. Please explain this is about keeping them safe.
• If your child says yes, and then proves not to listen to you , follow through, they go back into the stroller strapped in for 10 minutes. They will not want this but it will show that you mean what you say. If you already have a baby in the stroller and you need your 3 year old to walk by your side, you will need to shadow your hand over theirs to keep everybody safe.
• If you have had to follow through on strapping your child in, get them back out after 10 minutes and re-iterate the expectation you require from them and start all over again. Each time you do it, it will teach your child that there is a certain type of behavior you expect when out and about roaming. Eventually your child will understand it is about the trust being built between you and them and everybody being kept safe.
• Be sure to practice first somewhere safer like your backyard or in the garden, over at the park, or perhaps a quiet street in the neighborhood.
• As your child grows older and you build trust between you both, you will find that they will quite happily walk in front of the buggy, staying close, knowing that when you say ‘Stop’ they will do exactly that.

Happy Roaming!

Copywritten by Jo Frost

Every parent and child-carer knows, that at some point the car can become a bone of contention creating sibling wars and the need for justice whilst you are trying to referee and stay focused on the road to keep your family safe.

The reality is if healthy boundaries have not been put in place and you haven’t taught your children the life skills they need, then inevitably, at some point in the journey, ‘are we there yet’ will be fueled by children who start to get on each other’s nerves. The ability to antagonize one another becomes a successful task as the children are all sitting so close together. Your need to control the situation and manage the circumstances as an adult in the passenger seat, if not handled correctly can lead to potentially dangerous situations. Not only for your own family but for others on the road. I’ve lost count with the number of cars I have sat in on, only to have eyes at the back of my head in making sure everybody was safe. Ultimately if clear instructions and expectations are given before we get into the car we can minimize such squabbles whilst still considering and respecting the need for us all to stretch our legs and take 15 minutes when on long car journeys. So, to apply this technique I suggest you practice this drill at home on the weekend to get ready for the week ahead.

How to Practice

• Pre-think how best to seat the kids, sometimes car seats for the youngest dictate this. However, kids close in age can swap DVD and music devices between themselves.
• Verbally tell your children they will be practising a car technique, no different than the drills they practice at school. Assign them their seat and be assertive, your job is to get your whole family in the car and swiftly.
• Keep a few random items, toys and games plus a few snacks and water in the car in a box. This helps save time for families who have several children.
• Safety First – Please check all car seats, making sure that seat belts are on too.
• Make sure your children ALWAYS enter the car from the side of safety as children my go around the outside of a car to open a door nearer their seat. (You would be surprised how many children I see do this.)
• Lay down the rules and expectations and please remind your children that you being focused on the road does not give them permission to behave in a manner that will not be addressed because you are driving.
• Drills should be followed through with an assertive tone and minimum fuss. The more you practice the more well versed your children will be, creating less mayhem getting into the car.

NOTE:

If you feel as the driver, a situation is getting out of hand; make sure to stop and pull over. Remember, you are literally in the driver’s seat. As we can expect arguments from time to time in the car, what we cannot breach is the safety of us all in the car.

Copywritten by Jo Frost