Ok my daughter is 3 1/2 and will be 4 in Dec. My problem with her is that when you tell her "no" or she doesn't get what she wants, she SCREAMS! I mean really screams like Im afraid someone is gonna call the cops on me. And she will keep it going for like 10 minutes or more. I have tried time outs, I have tried putting her in her room.. it never stops.
Any ideas????

Hi Vicky31mom,

My concern in your letter is the phrase "I have tried," because you may have tried, but I don't know if you've followed through. The questions I have to ask you are:

  • What reaction does your daughter get from you when she screams?
  • How does her brother respond when she screams? Because if he has Aspergers or Autism, he will be really sensitive to these auditory pitches.
  • What happens when she screams? Does she get what she wants? Does she see mom reacting by staying in the same space, giving into what she wants? Do you walk away, ignore, or pacify her with whatever she wants?
  • Or, are her screams unbearable because your intolerance is low? Does she scream because you are too controlling?

It's very common for a 3 and-a-half year old to want their own independence and do things their own way. Maybe you're not allowing her to do that and develop. Do you give her a platform to perform on? Answering these questions will allow you to assess where you are. Please think about them honestly, write down your answers and recognize where your strengths and weaknesses are and see what you have to work on.

Remember to encourage the positive things that your daughter does, sometimes we forget that praise and encouragement of the positive is just as important, if not more-so, than simply correcting negative behavior.

Best wishes,


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